Dealing with a God
by Yumemakura
Summary: Hephaistion is missing. Can Alexander solve the problem and get him back? One shot.


**Prompt: Plans, Escape, No Power on Earth**

**Title: Dealing With a God**

Alexander was in one of those moods that nobody would dare to come closer within his arms or more precisely his sword reach. All the generals could do nothing but pray to the gods that Hephaistion would return soon.

It had been three days since Hephaistion took a handful of soldiers to go out to scout. They all came back that evening, and reported that there was no sign of the enemy. Everything was fine, except, Hephaistion did not come back with them.

"A man does not vanish like a thin mist!"

Frustrated Alexander yelled at a captain, but soon he felt a cold shiver run down his spine when he saw a muddled expression on the soldier's face while he explained.

"As we approached the river, a thick fog surrounded us. The general was talking to us to keep us together until the very last moment before the fog cleared up. And when it did, there was no trace of the general anywhere."

"Yes, we looked for him everywhere. We did not hear any sounds nor see anything when he disappeared, so it must be a god or something that had swept him away."

Another soldier added.

On the next morning, at the crack of dawn, Alexander himself conducted a search party. He looked everywhere, but as the soldiers stated, there was no trace of Hephaistion.

How could it happen? Alexander was tired, frustrated, and most of all, he was scared. He knew that he could not go on without Hephaistion. When he had almost given up hope, he found a small abandoned shrine that was covered with vines by the river. It was camouflaged so well that it looked like a simple mound of shrubberies.

When Alexander finally made it inside, he found a statue of Dionysus in the middle. He gasped at the sight of an unmistakable pendant that he had given to Hephaistion on his fifteenth birthday hanging from the tip of the statue's finger.

He took it into his hand, and carefully examined it while wondering about the possibilities of a wild animal attacking Hephaistion and eating him up. Thank goodness that there was no sign of blood on it. The soldiers were not lying then. This mischievous god must have taken Hephaistion away.

Alexander stared at the statue for a moment, and then ordered the soldier to go back to the camp to bring Bagoas, and the best wine he could find while starting to write a letter.

_Dear Great Olympian God Dionysus,_

_I believe that you have taken one of my generals, as he might have caught your attention due to his rare beauties. However, I have to warn you that you would find him as stubborn as a mule and that you would not be able to force him to do anything against his will. Please refer to your uncle Hades if you have any doubt on this._

_I also do understand that you could not simply return him after promising a great entertainment to your fellow deities. And I, Alexander, cannot complete my dream without him. To solve both parties' problems, let me humbly present my proposition._

_I will exchange him with Bagoas, a young beautiful Persian eunuch who is best suited to your fabulous banquet. Not only he is an expert in the entertainment field if you know what I mean, but also he can dance. _

_If you agree with my offer, I will promise you that you and your fellow deities would be thoroughly amused. Hephaistion and I would put up the bloodiest battle you had ever seen, which I can assure to be better than the Trojan War. Furthermore, I will guarantee the hottest lovemaking between the two males after each battle._

_I hope my proposition is interesting enough for you to give a serious consideration._

_Always Your Servant,_

_King Alexander_

Alexander placed the letter by the wine vase, and ordered Bagoas to stay in the shrine, while he anxiously waited for the dawn in his tent. He could not sleep at all with the mixture of fear and anticipation. He entered the shrine as soon as the rosy ray of the morning sun peaked at the horizon.

His heart almost stopped with joy when he found his Hephaistion lying on the floor in peaceful sleep instead of Bagoas. His plan had worked, and his Hephaistion was rescued.

As Alexander had promised, Hephaistion and he have demonstrated the most exciting and bloody battles over and over again. However, it was the night after the battle when all the mighty gods abandoned the earth, and went back to Mount Olympus.

They all gathered in front of the mirror that projected the passionate lovemaking of Alexander and Hephaistion. There was no way in hell that they would miss the hottest show of the three worlds; Olympus, Under World, and the Earth.

**The End**


End file.
